Gin Dagger

Miracle of the last day

2011-01-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

Do you believe in miracles? I have seen enough of them in my lifetime to know with certainty that they exist. It always takes my breath away when one comes along and I feel God proclaiming his love for me. It seems to me that they are occurring more often and perhaps that is because time is running out. Who knows, really. I do know that Jack and I just experienced one that cannot be denied.

Because Jack is on commission, we never know what his paycheck will be until the last day of the month. We do know what it takes just to pay the bills. I call it our "have to goal". Jack figured out a daily sales goal of a certain amount each day to achieve his desired target, above and beyond just paying the bills.Working at KIA here in Colorado Springs has provided a challenge each and every month to maintain the status quo, never mind get beyond just paying the bills. There have been months when no money is left for grocieries or gas after the bills are paid. When the days and weeks turn into months and those become a year or more, the struggle to survive can become very discouraging.

We trusted God two months ago and stepped out in faith to buy a second car so that I could have more freedom to volunteer and work in women's ministry. I was reading Hebrews 11 one day when Jack called to tell me that he had found the right car for only $812. His boss was willing to take it out of three paychecks. We both felt that God had supplied the car and that He would supply the extra funds. So now our "have to goal" has been raised.

It is now the end of December, the worst month for sales in the automotive industry. The end of 2010. It has been a rough year financially but somehow God has provided for our needs. We are four days from the close of the month and Jack has only sold half his targeted amount. I must tell you that I felt tempted to fall into fear. Almost immediately I began to say out loud, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need." I praised God for everything He has done for us and thanked Him for providing.

A day went by and then another. I dared not ask about sales. I just kept rejoicing and praising God. Jack was scheduled to be off of work on Friday, the last day of the month as it was New Years Eve and only one person would be working on this short day. Thursday evening when he came home, he told me that he had fallen short of the original "have to goal", never mind the extra money being taken out for the second car. We were both pretty quiet that evening.

On Friday he decided to go into work at the usual time just to close some warranty tickets for an hour or so and I knew that it would help our bottom line. A few hours later Jack called and I could hear the laughter in his voice. "I can't come home just yet, I'm selling like crazy!" Six hours after he went into work to close three warranty tickets, he came home with the news that he had sold twenty five percent of his "have to goal" in one day. A day that he was not supposed to work. He ended the worst month of the year over his goal with fifty percent of it earned in the last four days of the month!

You say that you don't believe in miracles? I do. My life is peppered with them. New Years Day I was fixing some coffee and thinking about how awesome God is with His providence and I felt His whisper in my spirit. "I am teaching you to trust me." If I am being honest, trust is difficult for me. But what if I truly knew that I never have to worry? How fearless would I be? How much more would I be able to teach others about God's faithfulness?

Speaking God's Word

2010-10-23T08:42:00.000-06:00

Something wakened me this morning at 1 am and I could not go back to sleep. As is my habit when that happens, I pray over those individuals that God brings to mind, I talk to Him or I contemplate events occurring in my life. This morning it was a little of all three and it strikes me that I need to record what is echoing in my heart as a result.

Yesterday our small group Bible study met as usual and had a birthday celebration lunch for everyone. Much thought and prayer was put into this event, which was evidenced by occurrences both in the physical and spiritual realms. As I was starting the DVD that goes with our study, my dog kicked my chair, just as I sat down. I had to be helped up and today I realize that I was hurt more than I thought. A glass was broken just before we sat down to eat, which was a minor distraction to me but I could see that it triggered something in my friend, who dropped it.

Included in the gift bags for each lady was an inexpensive glass bottle with a stopper. I had partly filled the bottles with some purified water and attached a Bible verse with some ribbon. Simple really. Psalm 56:8, "You number my wanderings; Put my tears into your bottle; Are they not in your book?" The visual of this spiritual truth is powerful. God really cares about our hearts this much! He records our wanderings and our tears.

So its 1 am and I am revisiting the events of this Bible study, celebration and lunch. I am praising God for these ladies, who have no idea how they have touched my heart and blessed me. I am praying over their hearts and thinking about how God brought us all together with common difficulties that we can share and encourage one another through. Then I began to ponder how God's word is so effective for each and every situation in our lives. Verses began to flash across my mind. Psalm 119:11, "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin againt you." Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joint and marrow, and is a discerner of thoughts and intents of the heart." Then it hits me!

Because we are born into this world that is fallen and ruled by the deceiver, there is never a moment that we can expect a cease fire. Not in this world. But don't we often behave as though we expect peace? I think we should reverse our thinking and expect warfare. Expect it every moment of every day. No, the enemy is not out for us 24 x 7. But if it is not the enemy, it is the consequences of sin and poor choices. And if it is not that, it is the result of living in a fallen and cursed world. This is not how we were meant to live but somehow we park here, we are lulled into a sleep state and and we want to stay here.

Here is what I was left with at 1 am this morning. We can never stop speaking God's word. We must meditate on it day and night. We must keep our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. We must never stop praising God for what He has done and continues to do. We must prepare for battle each and every day with the putting on of our armor (Eph 6). We must fight, ladies, and never stop! To God be the glory.

Faith Took a Hit

2010-09-01T15:22:00.001-06:00

About ten years ago I completely surrendered each and every corner of my heart and life to the will of God. Even though I became a believer in December of 1975, I hung onto many areas out of fear. Fear that God would do something in my life that I would hate. Fear that I would lose something that was dear to me. Just plain fear with some elements of disobedience, mistrust and rebellion thrown in for good measure.

Three weeks after my profound experience I was laid off along with many others in the first wave of the dot com fallout. Strangely enough, I had a sense of peace through those days and a certainty that God was sifting me. It was not a fun experience but something in me had assurance that good would come out of it all.

I cannot tell you how many times since then that life has given me surprises. Some of them wonderful; most of them not so much. I can say that each and every time God showed up in amazing ways. I remember one day as I was going over the bills and pleading with God to help us pay them. Within the next hour or so I heard the mail truck so I went out to collect the mail. One of my supporters had sent a check that almost exactly matched the sum of those bills! Isaiah 65:23-25, "Before they call, I will answer; while they are yet speaking, I will hear." It was only one of God's many powerful manifestations to me.

When Jack was fired from his job last year, I had absolute faith that something great was coming down the pike. Sure enough, in less than a week he was working here in Colorado Springs. God provided an interum place to stay, a vehicle to replace our 1984 Chevy truck, an apartment and a great place to worship.

So when an opportunity to move into a house came up, I knew that God was once again providing. We had been asking God for months for a place with a yard where we could have Bible studies and a place to have guests come and stay. One small fly in the ointment was that we would have to pay rent at two places for the month of August. We (I should say I because Jack is always reluctant to leap off cliffs) believed that somehow God would take care of the financial gap. Oh, and did I mention that we were already stretched to limit?

Well, color me surprised when God did not show up as he always had. I felt so betrayed. We were not able to pay one bill and there was barely enough money to pay both rents and have gas and groceries. There was that temptation to think that we had made a mistake but somehow I knew that this was meant to be.

After a couple of really rough days, I made the determination that I would continue to look to Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith. We borrowed money from my sister so that we did not lose the car insurance and just walked through the days. I swallowed my pride and got food from the Rescue Mission where I volunteer and from Angel Food Ministries. We made every penney count. We continued to pray and to read the Bible together.

Tomorrow Jack gets paid and we will be able to pay the bills once again. It was awful but we survived and in the midst of it all I remembered something. Just before this all happened, I had told God that I wanted him to take me deeper in my faith. Sigh... No miracles this time but somehow I know that it was another sifting.

Yesterday I read an article by Max Lucado entitled, "What if things only get worse" with a focus on Matthew 24:6. He writes, "Jesus chose a stout term for alarmed that he used on no other occasion. It means "to wail, to cry aloud," as if Jesus counseled the disciples, "Don't freak out when bad stuff happens." When bad stuff happens, not if bad stuff happens.

Just for a moment I forgot where I live. Just for a moment I took my eyes off of Jesus. Just for a moment I forgot that I am in Christ, he is in me and he is in the Father. Just for a moment I freaked out. My faith took a hit but I am better now. Stronger somehow. Willing to keep going.

God is faithful even when I am not.

Speak to what is behind

2010-07-09T08:25:00.002-06:00

I am fascinated by the words of Jesus, reported in Matthew 16:23 and Mark 8:33 when he rebukes Peter. Jesus was teaching his disciples about his spiritual kingdom and showing them great and mighty things. Everything is going along swimmingly until he reminds them of the cost. "From that time forth began Jesus to show unto His disciples that He must go unto Jerusalem and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day." Immediately Peter rebukes Jesus and speaks against the possibility that they could lose their precious Jesus.

Don't we all lose our focus at times? We get so enamored of a moment in time that we begin to focus on our circumstances. We are so focused on our physical surroundings that we ignore the spiritual. Peter was hanging out with Jesus, enjoying the moment and disregarding everything that Jesus was teaching. Note that Jesus did not hesitate to rebuke Peter immediately. "Get thee behind me, Satan!" I always thought that seemed a tad harsh. After all, Peter is becoming one of the most loyal followers of Jesus.

Recently I had an experience with a woman, who came across my path one evening. I wanted to bless her so I invited her for lunch. I was amazed and distressed to find that she only wanted to spew drama and negativity in spite of my efforts to speak God's word and truth over her mind and heart. Not only did she not leave for hours but she returned uninvited and began to call me to continue this behavior.

I reached out to a dear brother in Christ, who explained to me that it was not this woman but demonic activity behind her causing her to spew garbage. He showed me how to speak to what was behind her; to rebuke the enemy in the name of Jesus. What a powerful lesson for me to learn. I now have and encourage other to get the book, Prayers, from Christian Word Ministries in Lexington, Kentucky.

I have been asking God of late to reveal to me more of the spiritual world and to give me more wisdom and discernment in my daily walk. I think this was part of my answer. Now when I read that passage about Peter, I realize that Jesus was not speaking directly to Peter, he was addressing the entity that was behind his words.

This is a beginning of something new in me. This is a new level of warfare and of confidence in my Heavenly Father. I find that I am less reactive now to my circumstances, to people around me and the words they speak. I am looking for what is behind each and every experience. I am also more careful to stay connected to my Heavenly Father and to stay covered with his armor (Ephesians 6). Praise God for growth!

One more piece of the puzzle

2010-06-10T08:24:00.006-06:00

Four failed marriages, a fifth that has not been easy and a son, whose marriage came to an abrupt end after only a few months. I certainly understand the difficulties that come with marriage. What I lack are the answers for success. Only time spent in "face in the carpet prayer" with my Heavenly Father has allowed me to be in my twelfth year of this marriage. So what gives?

One of my absolutely favorite authors, John Eldredge of Ransom Heart Ministry, just published a book written with his wife Stasi on this very subject. Love and War, Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of. When I was presented with the opportunity to review the book, I jumped at the chance. Literally. That was one package that was eagerly anticipated, let me tell you.

Now normally I can sit down with a book and read the entire book in one sitting. God has given me an amazing capacity for speed reading and absorption. But I could not do that with Love and War. It was too much to digest in one sitting. I had to read a few chapters and then ponder for a while what was being said. I love how, even though I could hear John's and Stasi's voices clearly in their written words, God's voice was the clearest throughout. This book is chock full of scripture and the plan of God for marriage is woven beautifully and clearly throughout each chapter.

I grew up with rules and religion. It has been a paradigm shift to see and to understand that my life here on earth is only about God's heart and His desire for relationship with me along with the battle coming from our enemy. I loved how John and Stasi point out that our Bible begins and ends with a marriage. I knew that my enemy wants to steal kill and destroy me. I just never thought about how the enemy hates my marriage.

Toward the end of the book, John writes this, "Those who want to find God must look where he lives--must love in the same manner, for the same things, for the same reasons. 'God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him' (John 4:16). Every time we choose to love, we take a step closer to God; it is like he is right there. Every time we choose something else, we take a step away. I want God, so I choose love... Then we read the Scriptures telling us to love one another 'as God love us,' and if you had not made the connection yet that trail leads to a crown of thorns."

For me, that summed up the entire message of Love and War. It is about love. We are in a war. Our enemy is real. He is determined. But God. But God loved us so much that He chose the thorns. He chose the sacrifice. And so must we.

This is a huge piece to the puzzle I call life. I am calmer after having read Love and War. More peaceful. I will be reading this book over and over again. I will be getting the video series and pleading with my sweet Jack to make this a priority study. I will be telling everyone that I know to please read this book. I do not believe that there is one marriage that would fail to benefit.

Thank you, John and Stasi Eldredge, for having the courage to be so transparent. For your obedience in speaking God's truth. For wanting others to have what you have found. May God bless you mightily.

The Vortex of Drama, Drama and More Drama

2010-05-14T15:08:00.003-06:00

For the first 40 or so years of my life, everything was about the drama. There was always something traumatic happening and it was always someone else or something else that was the cause; never me. When I began the process of healing through professional counseling, the paradigm shift that occurred in me was huge. I had in fact caused my own drama and I remember seeing snakes come through the walls for 4 days when I realized how much I had hurt my son and many, many other people.

Isaiah 61:1-3 remains the core statement of my mission for helping wounded women to heal and to recognize who Almighty God is and how much he desires relationship with each of us. "The Lord God has put his Spirit in me, because the Lord has appointed me to tell the good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort those whose hearts are broken, to tell the captives they are free, and to tell the prisoners they are released. He has sent me to announce the time when the Lord will show his kindness and the time when our God will punish evil people. He has sent me to comfort all those who are sad and to help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem. I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow. and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. Then they will be called Trees of Goodness, trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness." (NCV)

Jesus read these words from Isaiah in Luke 4:18,19 during one of his visits to the synagogue. After he read the passage, he told them that as he was reading the words, the words were coming true. They did not understand who Jesus really was and the ministry he was beginning. He told them that a prophet is not accepted in his own town and talked of Elijah and Elisha and the ministry they had. People were so angry they wanted to throw him off the cliff edging the town but he walked through them and went on his way.

In ministering to women it is always interesting to me how open or closed they are to God's truth. I can usually tell within a few moments which way things will go. Something struck me from the Isaiah passage and I made a note in the margin of my Bible. God gives a crown to replace ashes. He gives oil of gladness to replace sorrow. Finally he gives clothes of praise to replace a spirit of sadness. Do you notice that we are given a choice? We cannot have both. Either we choose the good or the grief.

Over the past 10 years of working with women, it saddens me when they cannot see this choice. The enemy has so wounded them that they "circle the drain" in their vortex of drama. Everything spoken is about how awful life is, thereby perpetuating their woundedness. Proverbs 18:21 is never more true than in this instance. "The tongue has the power of life and death." (NIV) What we speak truly gives life or death to any situation or circumstance.

My mother began to say when she was in her 30's, "Come give your poor, old, decrepit mother a hug." When she died after fighting cancer for 25 years, she was indeed poor, old and decrepit. I just spent time with a woman, who truly could not hear the life giving truth from the Word of God I spoke over her heart. All she wanted was to circle the drain in her vortex of drama and she actually got angry with me for not walking in agreement with her speaking death over herself.

I am so thankful that God did not leave me in my state of unbelief. He not only redeemed me, he restored me. Now everything that I do and say is focused on God's life-giving word. I am truly free indeed. Praise God for his wonderful works to the children of men!

Do you know my Jesus?

2010-05-05T08:09:00.005-06:00

Over my sixty years on this earth I have experienced many ways to witness the gospel of Christ. As a preacher's daughter, my early experiences included attempts to go into the neighborhoods around the church and invite people to services. Gospel tracts with titles like, "Are you going to hell?" were often a part of witnessing for Christ. Hell was a big deterrent in sermons and discussions. I remember being scared to death that I would go to hell. I was on the receiving end of this style of evangelism in early adulthood. Well-intentioned individuals, who made attempts to bring me over to their side would often be critical of my lifestyle. Somehow none of this worked for me.

After I came to Christ, I watched from a different perspective. I too wanted the lost people to find Christ. To date I have successfully avoided any attempts to join in with church member efforts of passing out tracts, going on visitations or standing outside busy retail establishments handing out whatever happened to be the gift idea at the time.

In the past couple of years as God has taught me the example of Jesus and His life, I am seeing this part of ministry in a whole new light. In the assuredness of my redemption and the boldness that comes from walking with my Holy Spirit, I have come to recognize freedom in this area. I have begun to see open doors or opportunities to speak truth and life over those who come into my circle of influence. God gives me the words to speak and the boldness to declare truth. It usually come out as, "Do you know my Jesus?"

Because I have declared myself as a "Christ follower", rather than a "Christian", this brings an entirely different level of discussion. Either people have a relationship with God or they don't. Simple, really. Once that relationship or lack therof has been established, I know how to continue the conversation. Then I use God's word to speak truth over their heart, mind and soul.

Whether we realize it or not, we all desire to have relationship with God. To have a connection with this creator of ours and of our world. I see so many wounded hearts at the rescue mission where I volunteer. Their needs are raw, immediate and unfulfilled. Who can resist the words from Psalms 139, "You have examined me and know all about me. You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know my thoughts before I think them. You know where I go and where I lie down. You know everything I do. Lord, even before I say a word, you already know it. You are all around me- in front and in back- and have put your hand on me. Your knowledge is amazing to me; it is more than I can understand. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

May I continue to be used to speak God's word always before others. May I continue to show others the heart of God. May I always be an example of living in relationship with my Abba, my Heavenly Father. Do you know my Jesus?

War and Warfare

2010-03-16T11:02:00.006-06:00

Last night my husband, Jack, wakened me during the night. He sensed that I was engaged in battle and tells me that I was growling. It took me a moment to come up into conciousness and I sensed that I was screaming. Not terror screaming, which I have not done for over twenty years but fierce screaming.

My Pastor, Linda, suggested that I record what I can remember of the vision or dream that I was seeing. I wish now that I had gotten up and written it down at the time because it was so clear and now sadly it is murky.

There were two sides to the panorama that I witnessed. The left side is now gone. On the right were four figures on horseback. I knew in my spirit that I was experiencing demonic activity. I cannot verbalize anything other than being in a catastrophic event.

This morning I wakened to the sense that this was important somehow. I also had the strong sense that I want to only walk in the will of God for the time that I have left. To only focus on the Almighty. To only speak God's word.

We had the weekly prayer service this morning at our church. To experience the prayers of saints is truly to be blessed, especially this morning. Someone talked of the rebuilding of the wall in Nehemiah 4 and how entire families stood in the gaps. Of how workers held a tool in one hand and a sword in the other. I believe this is how we should be now in this time.

Pastor Mark read Job 5:12-13. "He ruins the plans of those who trick others so they have no success, He catches the wise in their own clever traps and sweeps away the plans of those who try to trick others." If we really believed this, there would not be the complacency that exists in the church today.

I also opened my devotional from Oswald Chambers and read about the judgement of Christ mentioned in II Corinthians 5:10 and of walking in the light as He is in the light from I John 1:7. May I be able to do that in the time I have left. May God be glorified and magnified today and all my tomorrows through me. In the name of Jesus...

He lived behind our trash!

2009-12-14T09:08:00.004-07:00

When Jack and I first moved into our apartment here in Colorado Springs, it was not long before we discovered someone living behind the trash bin. Because our front door faces this glorious view, we had a front row seat to homelessness.

Jack began to take Ray food and learned that he was 76 years old. His family does not know where he is and he was reluctant to talk much of himself. It was awful watching the rain pour onto Ray's cardboard shelter and feeling so helpless. Ray did not seem to want help so we took food, jackets and and prayed. One day when Ray was rummaging through the trash, I took him food and he decided to follow me home. After knocking on the neighbor's doors and asking for his "new friend", the neighbors call the police and Ray soon disappeared from our neighborhood.

In volunteering for the Springs Rescue Mission, I see homeless people almost every week. Kathy from one of the tent communities especially touched my heart. Knowing that someone I know was living outside during the recent arctic freeze was so difficult. We were unable to do anything for them because of our situation, so we prayed.

It has been a journey of trust to come to Colorado Springs. Each step of the way, God has provided. He provide a job for Jack when he was fired. He provided a place to stay in the home of missionary friends until I could get us moved. He provided money from friends and family until Jack began to earn his commission. He provided a Christian boss and a favorable workplace. He provided ministry opportunities. He provided a church, whose pastor speaks truth and walks in obedience. He continues to provide.

Trust does not come easily for me or for Jack. However, God is teaching us to walk daily in thankfulness and absolute trust. We are learning to see how much we have and to praise God for His riches in glory, out of which He supplies our needs. Each day we thank God for a place to live, hot showers, food, a car to get around, a job, our health and the freedom we enjoy, even if those things are threatened for the next day. We pray and we look for opportunities to encourage and bless others. God is so faithful. Praise His Holy name!

Our new home in Colorado Springs

2009-09-16T08:00:00.005-06:00

The story and the circumstances of how we came here to Colorado Springs reflect, in my mind, a divine appointment. It cannot be an accident that I spent so much time here with my dear Auntie Lyn and Uncle Jim Montgomery before he died and before she moved to California. It is as though a foundation was prepared for us long before we came.

This city is laid out in such a way that it confuses my sweet Jack and frustrates him no end. I will agree that the logic escapes me. However, to me it becomes an adventure to drive these winding streets in search of the best route to the many places we visit. In the early morning when the fog sits on our neighborhood as a gloomy covering, we only need to drive the back way to Jack's work. Straight up the hill we suddenly shoot out of the gloom into the bright morning sun in which everything sparkles. Trees are everywhere, trees of many different kinds, shapes and colors. The mountains are so close to us and almost achingly beautiful in their lights and shadows. The air seems purer.

It's a small town feel here. No area code is necessary when dialing anyone in Colorado Springs. Most of what we need is within 5-10 miles of our home. Jack's work, the library, friends of Auntie's, my cousin and her husband, a new church home places to volunteer. We even have places within walking and bicycling distance. Groceries, post office, the Waffle House. People seem friendlier somehow and boy is this place conservative. In describing a local crime recently, the newscaster referred to the perpetrator as a "scumbag". We loved it and I take delight in these small things.

I have a sense of coming home, a sense of peace in being here, although I have never lived here before. Yesterday I was at our new church for a weekly prayer time and my Spirit was doing happy dances. Over 100 people showed up at 7 am for the hour long Tuesday. People just like me, kindred spirits, prayer warriors, who recognize the importance and power of prayer. Praise God Almighty, I'm home!

God gave me new shoes!

2009-09-02T08:31:00.005-06:00

A while ago I was praying over my sweet Jack. He was working in a job that was physically, emotionally and mentally overwhelming. I was very concerned that he might collapse under the strain. God's answer to my prayers? On a Friday at the end of the day Jack got fired! Now I laugh but then it was mighty scary as we were living day to day.

Who knew that the one person Jack had battled with in his work environment would step up and battle with him. The district manager for KIA began to make phone calls and by Monday morning Jack had interviews lined up. The first one was in Colorado Springs and when I heard that my Spirit began to dance. More on that later. Tuesday he interviewed in Aurora and Wednesday he went to Fort Collins. Then nothing. Silence all around. By Sunday Jack was in a state of nervous distress. The pastor asked for anyone needing a job to come forward and he prayed over Jack and others. The next morning, only ten days after getting fired, we got a call from Colorado Springs asking Jack to come to work the next morning. One of our brothers in Christ was in Bejing for the month of August so Jack was invited to stay in his home.

Our old '86 Chevy truck is no more. We decided to take advantage of the cash for clunkers program and traded it in at the end of the last day it was available. We were able with KIA incentives to get a $16k 2009 Rio LX for $10k. Jack had gone through a tank of gas in the truck in two days only getting a few miles to the gallon. Now we get 35 mpg. We serve an awesome God!

When it came time to move, the very first apartment we looked at became our home. We got $30 off each month as a senior discount and $250 off the first months rent for renting immediately. We are on the first floor, praise God and have two bedrooms and two bathrooms and a real fireplace. There was just enough money for a truck and the gas to move. Jack's anxiety was increasing and I kept assuring him that this was a gift from God. I just knew that God would not drop us on our heads. Lo and behold a check came out of nowhere from my sweet sister.

Here's where it really gets interesting. Because my son, JR, is getting married tomorrow, I have been asking God for new shoes. Got the dress months ago in preparation. Needed shoes but needed to eat also. Kept asking for shoes. So when the check came, I got the groceries and then headed to DSW for shoes. I walked through the door and headed for the sale racks in the back. The first pair I picked up fit perfectly and were perfect for my dress. I paid $24.11 with a savings of $37.53. I've been dancing ever since. God bought me new shoes!

Go, God, Go!

2009-08-08T06:03:00.004-06:00

Some time ago I learned from a man, who loved to sail, that Christopher Columbus had a standing order for his men during a storm. He ordered them never to turn around and look behind them but always to look ahead. The reason? The waves behind them were often very high and would tower over their boat. Apparently it was frightening enough to distract the sailors from their duty.

In Psalms 23:4 we read, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...". Why it that passage significant? Because we are in foreign territory that is ruled by the enemy of believers in Jesus Christ. So many of us, however, are becoming too comfortable and complacent living here and not living and working for the new kingdom that Christ has already won.

Jack and I have begun to deliberately live in Romans 8:28, "All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose". Do any of us really believe those words? Think about it. If we did believe that everything works for our good, would we not rejoice always?

Loss of health, "Go, God, go!" Loss of a job, "Go, God, go!" Loss of ministry opportunities, "Go, God, go!" Loss of friends, "Go, God, go!" Financial difficulties, "Go, God, go!" Things don't turn out the way we think they should, "Go, God, go!"

This past week I have been in awe at how God has been working through a difficult situation. Jack was working in a job that was so physically demanding I feared that he would collapse. Then one Friday he got fired. It devastated him and severely compromised our finances. Out of the blue came someone he never would have expected to step up and he began making phone calls to line up a job for Jack. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday Jack had interviews lined up. Only one was close to home and they weren't hiring. Then nothing for the rest of the week.

That Sunday we went to church and heard a message on faith that was like soft rain in the desert. In Genesis 12, Abram was told by God to leave everything that he knew and to follow God. No destination, just pack your tent. The promise was that if Abram obeyed God, God would give him abundant blessings. Well, after the message on faith, the pastor called people, who were out of work, to the front and prayed over them. We left with the sense that something had turned.

On Monday morning Jack got a call from Colorado Springs with an offer of a job to report the next morning. Then we received a generous offer of housing for him for three weeks until we can move. Only three hours after starting work on Tuesday, we received a call from Fort Collins with another job offer. It was a boost to Jack's wounded heart but he knew that he had made the right decision. God makes it obvious, does he not, where we are to be? On Wednesday Jack learned that his new boss is a believer in Christ.

We have no idea where we will live and do not at present have the money to move. I can tell you that I am now excited to see what God will do next. All things work together for good. "Go, God, go!"

My Grateful Heart

2009-07-04T06:26:00.007-06:00

Thank you, Father, today and all of my days that I am forever free from condemnation. Thank you that you sacrificed your only Son so that I might live forever with you. Thank you that my enemy has already been defeated and that I can walk in victory. Thank you that I have the righteousness of God through your Son, Jesus Christ.

Thank you that you sing over me, delight in me, knew me long before the foundation of the world was created, that you count every hair on my head and keep my tears in a bottle. Thank you that all things are working for my good. Thank you for abundance.

Thank you for family and friends, even when they disappoint or are hurtful. Thank you for the laughter of children and the conversations of adults. Thank you for putting opportunities to bless and love others in my path each day. Thank you for the loneliness that causes me to so appreciate the fellowship of others. Thank you for loss, grief and sorrow that allows me to empathize and pray over others. Thank you that the best relationship is the one I have with you.

Thank you that the best life I can have is now. Thank you that your kingdom is here and now and that everything is already provided for every need that I have. Thank you that when I seek your will and am obedient to what you have for me that you can do much more than I can ask or imagine. Thank you that you order my steps and I only need to walk in your way. Thank you for your promises. Most of all, thank you that you will never leave me or forsake me.

The Days of Noah

2009-06-29T07:00:00.005-06:00

I am sensing the name, Noah, in my spirit a great deal lately. It doesn't take much imagination to recognize that we may well be living in the last days. So I decided to investigate what was going on in Noah's time.

Luke 17:26, 27 tells us, "Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. People were eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all." That doesn't sound so bad, does it? Life going on all around them just as it is today.

We read in Genesis 6 that Noah was a good man. The Bible refers to him as the most innocent of his time. On the other hand, people of that day did what God called evil and violence was everywhere. Violence. That sounds like what is happening in our world today. About 37 million babies aborted since Roe v Wade. Terrorism. Persecution of believers around the globe. Rampant domestic violence. Trafficking of women and children as sex slaves. Addictions of every kind. Pornography. Violence.

This is what I think about our time right now. I think that when we take our focus off of our creator God and off of the spiritual kingdom of God, we get evil and we get violence. I think we are too focused on eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage. I think we need to turn our eyes upon Jesus. I think we need to speak God's word and truth to all. May His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

What would you die for?

2009-06-03T10:43:00.007-06:00

I love reading so when I was presented with an opportunity to get a book for free, I jumped on it. Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand came about a month ago but I have not yet read it through. Much like The Heavenly Man, coauthored by Brother Yun, I am so troubled by what the saints of Christ have and are suffering that it is difficult to read about their stories. Just recently in Orissa, India believers were burned out of their homes and churches, some were murdered and many were forced to renounce their faith in Christ.

America has been blessed in so many ways. Our nation was founded with the desire for freedom. Freedom to worship without oppression. Freedom to speak. Freedom to choose where we live, what we do to earn a living and who we marry. When people from other nations dream of being free, America is the nation that captures their hearts and their imagintations. The problem with us here in America is that we have forgotten the price for that freedom.

As I read Richard Wurmbrand's story, I ask myself, "What would I be willing to die for?" Right away I hear the words of Jesus in Matthew 16:24-26. "Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also. For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting]. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life [his blessed life in the kingdom of God]? Or what would a man give as an exchange for his [blessed] life [in the kingdom of God]?" (Amplified Version)

Do we really get this, I wonder? As a mother, I would like to think that I would die for my son. Perhaps for family. Could I suffer the torture and imprisonment that believers in other countries and nations have and still suffer for the cause of Christ? Could I lose the freedom to worship openly and to speak God's truth? Could I have joy under these circumstances? Could I love my abusers? Could you?

Don't call me a Christian any more!

2009-05-23T08:09:00.007-06:00

It has become increasingly bothersome to me how the word "Christian" is misused in this day and age. When religious affiliation is requested on forms, many mark the "Christian" box. Those same people are lying on their tax forms, using drugs or abusing alcohol, living with a significant other, aborting babies as a form of birth control or having babies out of wedlock. I have done it myself.

My husband has worked in the automotive industry for over 15 years. Some individuals that he has worked with wear their Christianity like a badge of honor. Loud and proud I would say. Bible thump er Jack would say. Unfortunately, these individuals proclaim righteousness and judgement to all who listen (and many who don't) and then rip off customers and fellow employees in the next moment.

A few years ago I began to read the Gospels with the intention of discovering for myself the man, Jesus, and the example his life is to us. What I discovered was God fully engaged here as a man in our lives with all that it means to be human. Jesus had nothing but his mission. He was hungry, tired, homeless, tempted and boy, did he suffer. He stayed focused on what he was meant to do. What indescribable love he showed.

As a result, I have begun to call myself a Christ follower. There is such a deeper meaning in those two words. To me it means behaving as he behaved, sacrificing as he sacrificed and loving as he loved. It means to walk in the light. Ephesians 5:8 tells us that now we are light in the Lord and to walk in the light. I John 1:7 reads, "But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanses us from all sin."

Sometimes following Christ means taking a different path from others, especially when it does not make sense to anyone. Sometimes it means being so open and transparent that you lose friends. Sometimes it means being obedient even when I do not want to obey.

I made a conscious choice to take a different path and to follow Christ. I choose to follow Christ with all that it means.

And then the elders showed up...

2009-05-13T07:01:00.003-06:00

I was 16 when I developed a fear of elders. My father was a pastor, who had just moved our family once again. I was corresponding with friends back in Oregon and Dad pulled my unsent letter out of the mailbox before the mailman came, opened it and read it. My sin was writing, "I miss all you bitchin' guys" in my missive. Hey, it was the 60's!

At any rate, I arrived home from school and was confronted by my parents. Dad threatened to take me before the elders in our church. I was horrified, even though I wasn't entirely sure what that entailed. I was planning to run away but his threat never came to fruition.

What did happen, however, was much worse. I had collected letters over the years from my early childhood from friends that I had met at church camp. My mother made me burn them all. I can still see the box stuffed with precious memories of friends now lost in the many moves we had made. After that I had great difficulty writing anything down.

Interestingly enough, those same elders confronted my father a few months later and fired Dad for heresy. He was devastated and I remember that he went to stay with his sister, Martha for a while.

Some years later when I was 25 the elders did show up. I had just become a new believer. My sister and I were living together and every weekend we invited a different family from our church over for dinner. Our dinners were legendary. We were baking fresh bread in those days, making our own butter, etc. Heavenly feasts. As I recall, we were only invited back once. The pastors family did have us over but we didn't think that counted. When dinner was over, we were directed to clean up the kitchen, then he pushed back his chair and left the room.

We did not own a car in those days but we did have bicycles. We rode or walked everywhere in that small town in Montana. It was a time of watching the grass grow and in some ways of being a kid again. We used to walk downtown on weekends where there was usually a band playing in the local watering hole. Friends from a local church would often join us for beers and dancing. As I recall, one of those friends was a deacon. It was a time of innocent fun.

Some months later I learned that one of the women in our church, who worked in the local bank was watching the checks written to the local watering places. She had reported me to the pastor of the church and one day he showed up at my home... with the elders. I was lectured sternly as to the error of my ways and told that I needed to move back home with my parents until I learned to behave.

My Dad, who was also an elder in this church, was out of town at the time. When he returned, I told him what happened and offered to comply with the directive. He said that it was not necessary. The next Sunday Dad stood up in the service and gave a speech about how he needed to step down from his role as an elder to let a younger man take his place. We left the church after that and to my knowledge he never spoke to that pastor again. That pastor had been his best friend for many years.

I ran into that woman at a Bill Gothard seminar many years later. She apologized for her betrayal and I forgave her. So much damage; so much heartache. So unnecessary.

Many times over the years I have run smack into Christian disapproval and righteous indignation. Each time has been soul scarring to me. In 2005 when my story was published, waves of disapproval hit me, first from my family, then from Christians. By that time, I had begun to discover the covering of God's grace. I felt God's voice speaking to me, saying, "I approve, I approve".

Years ago I had occasion to apologize to one of my father's sisters for the many years of bad behavior. She must had been in her 80's at that time. She listened to what I had to say and then she asked me if I had learned anything from my mistakes. Just that simple question spoke volumes to me.

My mama's sister has taught me the most about grace and about loving someone into a better place by modeling that behavior for me. I remember once she gave me a piercing look and then smiled at me. "I love you", she said. And that was all it took. I am learning to do that with my loved ones.

When I watched the movie, "Passion of the Christ", the scene that stood out the most was when the woman was being stoned for adultery. Jesus came upon the scene and without saying a word, began writing in the dirt. One by one, stones were dropped and the crowd diminished until Jesus was left alone with the woman. This poor bleeding woman crawled forward until she was touching the feet of Jesus with her bloodied hand. In my mind those people with stones were the elders. Righteous in their indignation. Disapproving.

That is how I pray sometimes. On my face, bloodied, reaching out for the feet of Jesus, who continues to give me grace over and over again.

Out of Coffee; Out of Jam

2009-05-06T09:00:00.005-06:00

My habit each week is to puruse the cupboards and refrigerator for menu planning. This past week as I was reviewing what we had and what we needed, it became obvious that without some miracle, we would not make it until payday as there were no funds to replenish our supplies.

I have been pleading with my Heavenly Father for badly needed help for some time. I have been reminding God of His promises to supply all our needs. I have been claiming favor with my King of King and Lord of Lords. I have been speaking God's word over our lives. Still nothing. And so I prepared the last breakfast, packed the last lunch and planned a meal for dinner.

I have had this sense of expectancy for some time now. I eagerly check the mail and answer phone calls, always waiting for that miracle that I know will come as it has so many times before. This time seems different somehow. And so I continue to wait as nothing is in the mail once again.

And then yesterday afternoon when the water was turned off and the phone was down along with the internet due to work on our street, I just felt such freedom. Can't explain it but I was happy with how my day was going and decided to just rest and wait.

Just before I needed to prepare dinner, my son asked if he could go to the store for us. "Give me a list, Mama" he said. And so, once more we have what we need. The water came back on as did the phone and the internet. Dinner got made, lunches were planned and I know that my son was blessed for providing.

God is great and greatly to be praised. He is our provider and we can trust Him.

Pure Joy

2009-04-22T07:18:00.003-06:00

My son has a dog named Roofis. Actually we all have the dog since JR lives with us for now. Jack and I always said that we would not get another pet. Does the term pooper scoop come to mind? Roofis sneaked into our lives and our hearts.

I often take Roofis for walks around the area in which we live. He never fails to remind me of joy. Pure unadulterated joy. He finds joy in sniffing out trash and bringing it to me. He finds joy in picking up tree branches (no kidding) and carrying them into the house to chew on. Joy in chasing the bunnies that lives under the hedges in our yard. He finds joy just in being outside.

As I watch him leaping and cavorting, it occurs to me that he is God's creature and that he finds joy just being what God created him to be. So simple. Joy in just being a dog.

God created us for joy also. We are created to find joy in the work that was given to us. To find joy in the beauty of this world that He created just for us. To find joy in relationship with Him. Most of us drag through the day, angry and defeated. Loaded down with the cares of this world. I wonder what would happen if we reconnected with that joy I see in Roofis. Joy in just breathing in the day and the promise that it holds for us as creations of the Most High God.

A Calling Out

2009-04-16T07:56:00.002-06:00

Yesterday morning I read an article about the coming days here on earth and the spiritual battle taking place that rocked me to the core. The article spoke of the days of Noah recorded in Genesis 6 throught the account in Matthew 24:37-39 as follows. "For the coming of the Son of Man will be just like the days of Noah. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and they did not understand until the flood came and took them all away; so will the coming of the Son of Man be."

As I read on I saw these words, "Some form of restraining force has been removed from our country (America) that has sheltered us from this realm and dimension of spiritual darkness on a broad basis. It has been seen in isolated areas and circumstance but not as widespread as we are about to witness. We must prepare now to meet this incredible challenge. This level of hostile opposition will require the Lord's Bride to enter a level of maturity belonging to "the fullness of Christ" and absolute demonstration of the Lord's victory over death, hell and the grave."

For some time now I have sensed a "calling out" of believers, who are being awakened to a life set apart from the daily life in the natural. Believers who sense something more is taking place in the spiritual realm than what is taking place here on earth. Believers comitted to stepping out in faith to follow Christ. Believers called to intercessory prayer.

A new determination welled up in me and I fell to my face in prayer. I want that fullness of Christ, that maturity in Him. I do not want Christ's return to catch me in my comfortable chair. I want to be fully clad in armor; fully engaged in battle. Lord, may it be so today and all my days.

40th High School Reunion

2009-04-08T08:12:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I received in the mail two CDs containing pictures taken at my high school reunion. We celebrated 40 years last summer and I had not been back since our 10 year reunion. I was blessed to be able to go with my best friend, Sherry. She and I had not seen each other or communicated in over 30 years so it was doubly sweet.

As I looked through the pictures a flood of memories returned. I thought about what things were like back in 1968. How I did not fit into any one group but had friends throughout all the cliques. I thought about how angry, rebellious and sarcastic I was then. I never did try to develop relationships other than my friend, Sherry. No boys ever asked me out. I saw myself on the fringe always.

Than I thought about our 10 year reunion. I went with a huge chip on my shoulder. My sole motivation in going was to show them what they missed. I rejoiced at how the "popular kids" had let themselves go and how the nerds and the outcasts had come into their own. I behaved badly and did not care.

Yesterday as I looked at over 400 pictures from the reunion, I realized that age is a great equalizer. Every one of us had changed dramatically over 40 years. We all have drooping skin, yellowing teeth and graying hair. I looked at the lined faces and saw the pain that comes from living life badly. I also saw the joy and grace in life lived well. No longer can I discern the "popular kids" from the rest of us. I see the result of choice in those pictures. I wonder how differently might things have been had I opened my heart to them. No longer do I live with regrets but I do love how I choose to be in relationships now. As I put away the pictures I quietly prayed that they may come to know peace in this season of their lives.

Power of the Tongue

2008-01-17T06:25:00.000-07:00

I recently had my eyes opened to a verse in Proverbs 18:21 that reads, "The power of life and death is in the tongue and those who love it will eat the fruit." I must have read those words over a hundred times throughout my life but this time I really felt the meaning in my spirit. We can actually speak life and blessings or death and destruction over ourselves, over our situations and over others? Wow!

As I pondered my words that I speak and have spoken to others, and to myself, I thought about how often negative words come out without thinking. How often do we say things like, "There's never enough money for...", or "I/You can't ever do enough, be enough, have enough..." or "I'm sick", "I can't". I could go on and on. When we argue, those always and never statements somehow come out and they are like deadly vipers. Have you ever watched as a child is scolded? Big fat tears come out and their lip quivers. As they get older, that hurt from being devalued turns into rage and we are beginning to witness the effects of rage when it turns into murder.

It may not be that difficult to comprehend the part about hurting others but do we really get the destruction over our daily lives? I was impacted enough that I decided to search the scriptures for more information on this subject.

If we go back to creation, we see early the example that God set for us in the very beginning. When he created our world, he could have nodded, blinked, thought or snapped his fingers and the result would have been the same. Yet he spoke everything into existence.

In Luke 4, Jesus was tempted by the Devil as he was fasting in the wilderness. Again, he could have done anything he wanted to his enemy. Yet he quoted scripture. Twice he replied, "It is written..." and responded to the temptation with the word of God.

In Isaiah 6:1-8, the prophet realizes as he stands in God's presence the horror of knowing that his mouth was unclean and that all of earth was afflicted in the same way. An angel provided a burning coal to purify him in God's presence. Later in Isaiah 55:8-11 we read about how God's ways and his thoughts are so much higher than ours. Then he gives the analogy of how when he speaks it is like planting seeds and bringing forth fruit. He equates this with his words bearing fruit and never returning empty. To me this magnifies how powerful speech is in our lives.

Psalms 103:20 tell us that angels obey God's voice and do what he says. It occurs to me that Almighty God could point and achieve the same results with his angels or anything else in his creation. A surprising reference in Proverbs 25:15 says that a gentle tongue can break a bone. Chapter 12:18 in Proverbs tell us, "The tongue of the wise brings healing" Later in Chapter 15:4 we read, "The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life but a decitful tongue crushes the spirit."I was humbled by the scathing words from James 1:26, "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless". In Chapter 3:6 he says that the tongue is a fire that corrupts. Matthew tells us in Chapter 10:32 that God uses our voice to speak through us. In Romans 10:9 we are told to use our voice to proclaim that Jesus is Lord as a condition of salvation.

In Psalm 59, which is a prayer for protection, King Saul has sent men to hunt down and kill David. Referring to those men in verse 9, we read, "They come back at night. Like dogs they growl and roam around the city. Notice what comes from their mouths. Insults come from their lips..." Later in the same chapter, "But I will sing about your strength. In the morning I will sing of your love. You are my defender, my place of safety in times of trouble. God, my strength, I will sing praises to you. God, my defender, you are the God who loves me." Notice the difference between insults and praises?

We who are believers often do not recognize the power of our speech. We have become so focused on this physical world and immune to what happens around us in the spiritual world that our heads are down and we easily toss words out, not recognizing death and destruction in them. I wonder what would happen if we woke up to a realization of the power of life and death in the tongue. Perhaps if we spent more time thinking before we spoke. How would things change in our lives, in our families and in our relationships if we only spoke life and blessings?

I choose life and am determined to bring blessings and praise for God's glory for the rest of my days. Often I simply read God's word out loud. Sometimes when my feelings are low, I declare truth with scriptures. Many times as I pace when troubles hit, I am known to cry out, "I will praise you, God in the middle of this situation!" Lord, may I continue to focus on your truth and not how I feel. Allow me to glorify you always with my voice!

Trust? Or Not!

2007-11-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

For those of us, who have been severely wounded by the people we are supposed to trust the most, trusting others can be an impossible task. For the believer, who walks by faith in Jesus Christ, it is necessary. So how do we get from one state to the other? How do we learn trust in an untrustworthy world?

I am learning that God wants me to trust him on a daily basis to provide for everything that I need. It is without a doubt the most difficult challenge in my maturity process. For me, everything comes down to control. I have had very little control in my life so I want to control everything. Giving that control away to God makes very little sense to me as a human being.

However, the Bible teaches that we are not to lean unto our own understanding but in all our ways to acknowledge God and he will direct our paths. (Proverbs 3:5,6) I have discovered that when I let go, God does provide. When I choose to trust, even though there seems to be no reason to trust Almighty God, he is right there with me. Another verse in Jeremiah 29:11 tells us, "...I know what I am planning for you, says the Lord. I have good plans for you, plans not to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future."

The problem is that we have an inherant desire to make our own decisions and to want what we want when we want it, which is often now. How in the world can we know when we take that job, marry that supposedly wonderful man, choose that school, move to that city or any of the many, many decisions we make on a daily basis that it will be the right decision? We do not have the ability to see into the future, yet we make choices all the time without consulting our Creator, who does know everything.

I Thessalonians 5:8 tells us that we belong to the day. To me, this was a critical step in my growth as a woman and as a human being. Let's face it, yesterday is over with and cannot be changed. Tomorrow is totally unknown. Really, all we can do is fuss over yesterday or tomorrow. What if we just rested in today? What if we got up each morning and praised God for the day and the fact that His mercies are new? What if we thanked Him for hot showers and the food we have for that day? What if we were grateful for a place to sleep just for that day and looked for opportunities to be a blessing to others in that day?

For me, wonderful things began to happen as I walked into trusting God each and every day. When there was a need for food, something has always been provided. When there was a need for additional funds, commissions came through that were unexpected or gifts were sent. I have had wonderful trips come out of the blue just when they were needed. My eyes are being opened to how God wants to bless me. It is worth the initial scary letting go that is needed. Try it!

How do I get back to myself?

2007-10-21T12:59:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I learned that my book, Broken, has surfaced at Safe Harbor in Kentucky. Safe Habor is a place for people battered by life and broken by all sorts of things, including drugs and alcohol. As I thought about the impact one life can have on another, I remembered a statistic about how only 11% of women emerge from being victimized with any semblance of "normalcy".

My story is a story of hope. I remember telling God 20 years ago that if I could help one woman because of my experiences, it would be worth every blow, every wound and every betrayal. I have been able to do just that through sharing my story, as unlovely as that story is in the telling of my truth.

To the women at Safe Harbor and to other women in your circumstance, my life will be spent for the rest of my days fighting for your ability to recognize who you are and the freedom that is available. This blog will be a vehicle of communication for those willing to listen.