When Jack and I first moved into our apartment here in Colorado Springs, it was not long before we discovered someone living behind the trash bin. Because our front door faces this glorious view, we had a front row seat to homelessness.
Jack began to take Ray food and learned that he was 76 years old. His family does not know where he is and he was reluctant to talk much of himself. It was awful watching the rain pour onto Ray's cardboard shelter and feeling so helpless. Ray did not seem to want help so we took food, jackets and and prayed. One day when Ray was rummaging through the trash, I took him food and he decided to follow me home. After knocking on the neighbor's doors and asking for his "new friend", the neighbors call the police and Ray soon disappeared from our neighborhood.
In volunteering for the Springs Rescue Mission, I see homeless people almost every week. Kathy from one of the tent communities especially touched my heart. Knowing that someone I know was living outside during the recent arctic freeze was so difficult. We were unable to do anything for them because of our situation, so we prayed.
It has been a journey of trust to come to Colorado Springs. Each step of the way, God has provided. He provide a job for Jack when he was fired. He provided a place to stay in the home of missionary friends until I could get us moved. He provided money from friends and family until Jack began to earn his commission. He provided a Christian boss and a favorable workplace. He provided ministry opportunities. He provided a church, whose pastor speaks truth and walks in obedience. He continues to provide.
Trust does not come easily for me or for Jack. However, God is teaching us to walk daily in thankfulness and absolute trust. We are learning to see how much we have and to praise God for His riches in glory, out of which He supplies our needs. Each day we thank God for a place to live, hot showers, food, a car to get around, a job, our health and the freedom we enjoy, even if those things are threatened for the next day. We pray and we look for opportunities to encourage and bless others. God is so faithful. Praise His Holy name!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Our new home in Colorado Springs
The story and the circumstances of how we came here to Colorado Springs reflect, in my mind, a divine appointment. It cannot be an accident that I spent so much time here with my dear Auntie Lyn and Uncle Jim Montgomery before he died and before she moved to California. It is as though a foundation was prepared for us long before we came.
This city is laid out in such a way that it confuses my sweet Jack and frustrates him no end. I will agree that the logic escapes me. However, to me it becomes an adventure to drive these winding streets in search of the best route to the many places we visit. In the early morning when the fog sits on our neighborhood as a gloomy covering, we only need to drive the back way to Jack's work. Straight up the hill we suddenly shoot out of the gloom into the bright morning sun in which everything sparkles. Trees are everywhere, trees of many different kinds, shapes and colors. The mountains are so close to us and almost achingly beautiful in their lights and shadows. The air seems purer.
It's a small town feel here. No area code is necessary when dialing anyone in Colorado Springs. Most of what we need is within 5-10 miles of our home. Jack's work, the library, friends of Auntie's, my cousin and her husband, a new church home places to volunteer. We even have places within walking and bicycling distance. Groceries, post office, the Waffle House. People seem friendlier somehow and boy is this place conservative. In describing a local crime recently, the newscaster referred to the perpetrator as a "scumbag". We loved it and I take delight in these small things.
I have a sense of coming home, a sense of peace in being here, although I have never lived here before. Yesterday I was at our new church for a weekly prayer time and my Spirit was doing happy dances. Over 100 people showed up at 7 am for the hour long Tuesday. People just like me, kindred spirits, prayer warriors, who recognize the importance and power of prayer. Praise God Almighty, I'm home!
This city is laid out in such a way that it confuses my sweet Jack and frustrates him no end. I will agree that the logic escapes me. However, to me it becomes an adventure to drive these winding streets in search of the best route to the many places we visit. In the early morning when the fog sits on our neighborhood as a gloomy covering, we only need to drive the back way to Jack's work. Straight up the hill we suddenly shoot out of the gloom into the bright morning sun in which everything sparkles. Trees are everywhere, trees of many different kinds, shapes and colors. The mountains are so close to us and almost achingly beautiful in their lights and shadows. The air seems purer.
It's a small town feel here. No area code is necessary when dialing anyone in Colorado Springs. Most of what we need is within 5-10 miles of our home. Jack's work, the library, friends of Auntie's, my cousin and her husband, a new church home places to volunteer. We even have places within walking and bicycling distance. Groceries, post office, the Waffle House. People seem friendlier somehow and boy is this place conservative. In describing a local crime recently, the newscaster referred to the perpetrator as a "scumbag". We loved it and I take delight in these small things.
I have a sense of coming home, a sense of peace in being here, although I have never lived here before. Yesterday I was at our new church for a weekly prayer time and my Spirit was doing happy dances. Over 100 people showed up at 7 am for the hour long Tuesday. People just like me, kindred spirits, prayer warriors, who recognize the importance and power of prayer. Praise God Almighty, I'm home!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
God gave me new shoes!
A while ago I was praying over my sweet Jack. He was working in a job that was physically, emotionally and mentally overwhelming. I was very concerned that he might collapse under the strain. God's answer to my prayers? On a Friday at the end of the day Jack got fired! Now I laugh but then it was mighty scary as we were living day to day.
Who knew that the one person Jack had battled with in his work environment would step up and battle with him. The district manager for KIA began to make phone calls and by Monday morning Jack had interviews lined up. The first one was in Colorado Springs and when I heard that my Spirit began to dance. More on that later. Tuesday he interviewed in Aurora and Wednesday he went to Fort Collins. Then nothing. Silence all around. By Sunday Jack was in a state of nervous distress. The pastor asked for anyone needing a job to come forward and he prayed over Jack and others. The next morning, only ten days after getting fired, we got a call from Colorado Springs asking Jack to come to work the next morning. One of our brothers in Christ was in Bejing for the month of August so Jack was invited to stay in his home.
Our old '86 Chevy truck is no more. We decided to take advantage of the cash for clunkers program and traded it in at the end of the last day it was available. We were able with KIA incentives to get a $16k 2009 Rio LX for $10k. Jack had gone through a tank of gas in the truck in two days only getting a few miles to the gallon. Now we get 35 mpg. We serve an awesome God!
When it came time to move, the very first apartment we looked at became our home. We got $30 off each month as a senior discount and $250 off the first months rent for renting immediately. We are on the first floor, praise God and have two bedrooms and two bathrooms and a real fireplace. There was just enough money for a truck and the gas to move. Jack's anxiety was increasing and I kept assuring him that this was a gift from God. I just knew that God would not drop us on our heads. Lo and behold a check came out of nowhere from my sweet sister.
Here's where it really gets interesting. Because my son, JR, is getting married tomorrow, I have been asking God for new shoes. Got the dress months ago in preparation. Needed shoes but needed to eat also. Kept asking for shoes. So when the check came, I got the groceries and then headed to DSW for shoes. I walked through the door and headed for the sale racks in the back. The first pair I picked up fit perfectly and were perfect for my dress. I paid $24.11 with a savings of $37.53. I've been dancing ever since. God bought me new shoes!
Who knew that the one person Jack had battled with in his work environment would step up and battle with him. The district manager for KIA began to make phone calls and by Monday morning Jack had interviews lined up. The first one was in Colorado Springs and when I heard that my Spirit began to dance. More on that later. Tuesday he interviewed in Aurora and Wednesday he went to Fort Collins. Then nothing. Silence all around. By Sunday Jack was in a state of nervous distress. The pastor asked for anyone needing a job to come forward and he prayed over Jack and others. The next morning, only ten days after getting fired, we got a call from Colorado Springs asking Jack to come to work the next morning. One of our brothers in Christ was in Bejing for the month of August so Jack was invited to stay in his home.
Our old '86 Chevy truck is no more. We decided to take advantage of the cash for clunkers program and traded it in at the end of the last day it was available. We were able with KIA incentives to get a $16k 2009 Rio LX for $10k. Jack had gone through a tank of gas in the truck in two days only getting a few miles to the gallon. Now we get 35 mpg. We serve an awesome God!
When it came time to move, the very first apartment we looked at became our home. We got $30 off each month as a senior discount and $250 off the first months rent for renting immediately. We are on the first floor, praise God and have two bedrooms and two bathrooms and a real fireplace. There was just enough money for a truck and the gas to move. Jack's anxiety was increasing and I kept assuring him that this was a gift from God. I just knew that God would not drop us on our heads. Lo and behold a check came out of nowhere from my sweet sister.
Here's where it really gets interesting. Because my son, JR, is getting married tomorrow, I have been asking God for new shoes. Got the dress months ago in preparation. Needed shoes but needed to eat also. Kept asking for shoes. So when the check came, I got the groceries and then headed to DSW for shoes. I walked through the door and headed for the sale racks in the back. The first pair I picked up fit perfectly and were perfect for my dress. I paid $24.11 with a savings of $37.53. I've been dancing ever since. God bought me new shoes!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Go, God, Go!
Some time ago I learned from a man, who loved to sail, that Christopher Columbus had a standing order for his men during a storm. He ordered them never to turn around and look behind them but always to look ahead. The reason? The waves behind them were often very high and would tower over their boat. Apparently it was frightening enough to distract the sailors from their duty.
In Psalms 23:4 we read, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...". Why it that passage significant? Because we are in foreign territory that is ruled by the enemy of believers in Jesus Christ. So many of us, however, are becoming too comfortable and complacent living here and not living and working for the new kingdom that Christ has already won.
Jack and I have begun to deliberately live in Romans 8:28, "All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose". Do any of us really believe those words? Think about it. If we did believe that everything works for our good, would we not rejoice always?
Loss of health, "Go, God, go!" Loss of a job, "Go, God, go!" Loss of ministry opportunities, "Go, God, go!" Loss of friends, "Go, God, go!" Financial difficulties, "Go, God, go!" Things don't turn out the way we think they should, "Go, God, go!"
This past week I have been in awe at how God has been working through a difficult situation. Jack was working in a job that was so physically demanding I feared that he would collapse. Then one Friday he got fired. It devastated him and severely compromised our finances. Out of the blue came someone he never would have expected to step up and he began making phone calls to line up a job for Jack. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday Jack had interviews lined up. Only one was close to home and they weren't hiring. Then nothing for the rest of the week.
That Sunday we went to church and heard a message on faith that was like soft rain in the desert. In Genesis 12, Abram was told by God to leave everything that he knew and to follow God. No destination, just pack your tent. The promise was that if Abram obeyed God, God would give him abundant blessings. Well, after the message on faith, the pastor called people, who were out of work, to the front and prayed over them. We left with the sense that something had turned.
On Monday morning Jack got a call from Colorado Springs with an offer of a job to report the next morning. Then we received a generous offer of housing for him for three weeks until we can move. Only three hours after starting work on Tuesday, we received a call from Fort Collins with another job offer. It was a boost to Jack's wounded heart but he knew that he had made the right decision. God makes it obvious, does he not, where we are to be? On Wednesday Jack learned that his new boss is a believer in Christ.
We have no idea where we will live and do not at present have the money to move. I can tell you that I am now excited to see what God will do next. All things work together for good. "Go, God, go!"
In Psalms 23:4 we read, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...". Why it that passage significant? Because we are in foreign territory that is ruled by the enemy of believers in Jesus Christ. So many of us, however, are becoming too comfortable and complacent living here and not living and working for the new kingdom that Christ has already won.
Jack and I have begun to deliberately live in Romans 8:28, "All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose". Do any of us really believe those words? Think about it. If we did believe that everything works for our good, would we not rejoice always?
Loss of health, "Go, God, go!" Loss of a job, "Go, God, go!" Loss of ministry opportunities, "Go, God, go!" Loss of friends, "Go, God, go!" Financial difficulties, "Go, God, go!" Things don't turn out the way we think they should, "Go, God, go!"
This past week I have been in awe at how God has been working through a difficult situation. Jack was working in a job that was so physically demanding I feared that he would collapse. Then one Friday he got fired. It devastated him and severely compromised our finances. Out of the blue came someone he never would have expected to step up and he began making phone calls to line up a job for Jack. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday Jack had interviews lined up. Only one was close to home and they weren't hiring. Then nothing for the rest of the week.
That Sunday we went to church and heard a message on faith that was like soft rain in the desert. In Genesis 12, Abram was told by God to leave everything that he knew and to follow God. No destination, just pack your tent. The promise was that if Abram obeyed God, God would give him abundant blessings. Well, after the message on faith, the pastor called people, who were out of work, to the front and prayed over them. We left with the sense that something had turned.
On Monday morning Jack got a call from Colorado Springs with an offer of a job to report the next morning. Then we received a generous offer of housing for him for three weeks until we can move. Only three hours after starting work on Tuesday, we received a call from Fort Collins with another job offer. It was a boost to Jack's wounded heart but he knew that he had made the right decision. God makes it obvious, does he not, where we are to be? On Wednesday Jack learned that his new boss is a believer in Christ.
We have no idea where we will live and do not at present have the money to move. I can tell you that I am now excited to see what God will do next. All things work together for good. "Go, God, go!"
Saturday, July 4, 2009
My Grateful Heart
Thank you, Father, today and all of my days that I am forever free from condemnation. Thank you that you sacrificed your only Son so that I might live forever with you. Thank you that my enemy has already been defeated and that I can walk in victory. Thank you that I have the righteousness of God through your Son, Jesus Christ.
Thank you that you sing over me, delight in me, knew me long before the foundation of the world was created, that you count every hair on my head and keep my tears in a bottle. Thank you that all things are working for my good. Thank you for abundance.
Thank you for family and friends, even when they disappoint or are hurtful. Thank you for the laughter of children and the conversations of adults. Thank you for putting opportunities to bless and love others in my path each day. Thank you for the loneliness that causes me to so appreciate the fellowship of others. Thank you for loss, grief and sorrow that allows me to empathize and pray over others. Thank you that the best relationship is the one I have with you.
Thank you that the best life I can have is now. Thank you that your kingdom is here and now and that everything is already provided for every need that I have. Thank you that when I seek your will and am obedient to what you have for me that you can do much more than I can ask or imagine. Thank you that you order my steps and I only need to walk in your way. Thank you for your promises. Most of all, thank you that you will never leave me or forsake me.
Thank you that you sing over me, delight in me, knew me long before the foundation of the world was created, that you count every hair on my head and keep my tears in a bottle. Thank you that all things are working for my good. Thank you for abundance.
Thank you for family and friends, even when they disappoint or are hurtful. Thank you for the laughter of children and the conversations of adults. Thank you for putting opportunities to bless and love others in my path each day. Thank you for the loneliness that causes me to so appreciate the fellowship of others. Thank you for loss, grief and sorrow that allows me to empathize and pray over others. Thank you that the best relationship is the one I have with you.
Thank you that the best life I can have is now. Thank you that your kingdom is here and now and that everything is already provided for every need that I have. Thank you that when I seek your will and am obedient to what you have for me that you can do much more than I can ask or imagine. Thank you that you order my steps and I only need to walk in your way. Thank you for your promises. Most of all, thank you that you will never leave me or forsake me.
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Days of Noah
I am sensing the name, Noah, in my spirit a great deal lately. It doesn't take much imagination to recognize that we may well be living in the last days. So I decided to investigate what was going on in Noah's time.
Luke 17:26, 27 tells us, "Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. People were eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all." That doesn't sound so bad, does it? Life going on all around them just as it is today.
We read in Genesis 6 that Noah was a good man. The Bible refers to him as the most innocent of his time. On the other hand, people of that day did what God called evil and violence was everywhere. Violence. That sounds like what is happening in our world today. About 37 million babies aborted since Roe v Wade. Terrorism. Persecution of believers around the globe. Rampant domestic violence. Trafficking of women and children as sex slaves. Addictions of every kind. Pornography. Violence.
This is what I think about our time right now. I think that when we take our focus off of our creator God and off of the spiritual kingdom of God, we get evil and we get violence. I think we are too focused on eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage. I think we need to turn our eyes upon Jesus. I think we need to speak God's word and truth to all. May His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Luke 17:26, 27 tells us, "Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. People were eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all." That doesn't sound so bad, does it? Life going on all around them just as it is today.
We read in Genesis 6 that Noah was a good man. The Bible refers to him as the most innocent of his time. On the other hand, people of that day did what God called evil and violence was everywhere. Violence. That sounds like what is happening in our world today. About 37 million babies aborted since Roe v Wade. Terrorism. Persecution of believers around the globe. Rampant domestic violence. Trafficking of women and children as sex slaves. Addictions of every kind. Pornography. Violence.
This is what I think about our time right now. I think that when we take our focus off of our creator God and off of the spiritual kingdom of God, we get evil and we get violence. I think we are too focused on eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage. I think we need to turn our eyes upon Jesus. I think we need to speak God's word and truth to all. May His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
What would you die for?
I love reading so when I was presented with an opportunity to get a book for free, I jumped on it. Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand came about a month ago but I have not yet read it through. Much like The Heavenly Man, coauthored by Brother Yun, I am so troubled by what the saints of Christ have and are suffering that it is difficult to read about their stories. Just recently in Orissa, India believers were burned out of their homes and churches, some were murdered and many were forced to renounce their faith in Christ.
America has been blessed in so many ways. Our nation was founded with the desire for freedom. Freedom to worship without oppression. Freedom to speak. Freedom to choose where we live, what we do to earn a living and who we marry. When people from other nations dream of being free, America is the nation that captures their hearts and their imagintations. The problem with us here in America is that we have forgotten the price for that freedom.
As I read Richard Wurmbrand's story, I ask myself, "What would I be willing to die for?" Right away I hear the words of Jesus in Matthew 16:24-26. "Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also. For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting]. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life [his blessed life in the kingdom of God]? Or what would a man give as an exchange for his [blessed] life [in the kingdom of God]?" (Amplified Version)
Do we really get this, I wonder? As a mother, I would like to think that I would die for my son. Perhaps for family. Could I suffer the torture and imprisonment that believers in other countries and nations have and still suffer for the cause of Christ? Could I lose the freedom to worship openly and to speak God's truth? Could I have joy under these circumstances? Could I love my abusers? Could you?
America has been blessed in so many ways. Our nation was founded with the desire for freedom. Freedom to worship without oppression. Freedom to speak. Freedom to choose where we live, what we do to earn a living and who we marry. When people from other nations dream of being free, America is the nation that captures their hearts and their imagintations. The problem with us here in America is that we have forgotten the price for that freedom.
As I read Richard Wurmbrand's story, I ask myself, "What would I be willing to die for?" Right away I hear the words of Jesus in Matthew 16:24-26. "Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also. For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting]. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life [his blessed life in the kingdom of God]? Or what would a man give as an exchange for his [blessed] life [in the kingdom of God]?" (Amplified Version)
Do we really get this, I wonder? As a mother, I would like to think that I would die for my son. Perhaps for family. Could I suffer the torture and imprisonment that believers in other countries and nations have and still suffer for the cause of Christ? Could I lose the freedom to worship openly and to speak God's truth? Could I have joy under these circumstances? Could I love my abusers? Could you?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Don't call me a Christian any more!
It has become increasingly bothersome to me how the word "Christian" is misused in this day and age. When religious affiliation is requested on forms, many mark the "Christian" box. Those same people are lying on their tax forms, using drugs or abusing alcohol, living with a significant other, aborting babies as a form of birth control or having babies out of wedlock. I have done it myself.
My husband has worked in the automotive industry for over 15 years. Some individuals that he has worked with wear their Christianity like a badge of honor. Loud and proud I would say. Bible thump er Jack would say. Unfortunately, these individuals proclaim righteousness and judgement to all who listen (and many who don't) and then rip off customers and fellow employees in the next moment.
A few years ago I began to read the Gospels with the intention of discovering for myself the man, Jesus, and the example his life is to us. What I discovered was God fully engaged here as a man in our lives with all that it means to be human. Jesus had nothing but his mission. He was hungry, tired, homeless, tempted and boy, did he suffer. He stayed focused on what he was meant to do. What indescribable love he showed.
As a result, I have begun to call myself a Christ follower. There is such a deeper meaning in those two words. To me it means behaving as he behaved, sacrificing as he sacrificed and loving as he loved. It means to walk in the light. Ephesians 5:8 tells us that now we are light in the Lord and to walk in the light. I John 1:7 reads, "But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanses us from all sin."
Sometimes following Christ means taking a different path from others, especially when it does not make sense to anyone. Sometimes it means being so open and transparent that you lose friends. Sometimes it means being obedient even when I do not want to obey.
I made a conscious choice to take a different path and to follow Christ. I choose to follow Christ with all that it means.
My husband has worked in the automotive industry for over 15 years. Some individuals that he has worked with wear their Christianity like a badge of honor. Loud and proud I would say. Bible thump er Jack would say. Unfortunately, these individuals proclaim righteousness and judgement to all who listen (and many who don't) and then rip off customers and fellow employees in the next moment.
A few years ago I began to read the Gospels with the intention of discovering for myself the man, Jesus, and the example his life is to us. What I discovered was God fully engaged here as a man in our lives with all that it means to be human. Jesus had nothing but his mission. He was hungry, tired, homeless, tempted and boy, did he suffer. He stayed focused on what he was meant to do. What indescribable love he showed.
As a result, I have begun to call myself a Christ follower. There is such a deeper meaning in those two words. To me it means behaving as he behaved, sacrificing as he sacrificed and loving as he loved. It means to walk in the light. Ephesians 5:8 tells us that now we are light in the Lord and to walk in the light. I John 1:7 reads, "But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanses us from all sin."
Sometimes following Christ means taking a different path from others, especially when it does not make sense to anyone. Sometimes it means being so open and transparent that you lose friends. Sometimes it means being obedient even when I do not want to obey.
I made a conscious choice to take a different path and to follow Christ. I choose to follow Christ with all that it means.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
And then the elders showed up...
I was 16 when I developed a fear of elders. My father was a pastor, who had just moved our family once again. I was corresponding with friends back in Oregon and Dad pulled my unsent letter out of the mailbox before the mailman came, opened it and read it. My sin was writing, "I miss all you bitchin' guys" in my missive. Hey, it was the 60's!
At any rate, I arrived home from school and was confronted by my parents. Dad threatened to take me before the elders in our church. I was horrified, even though I wasn't entirely sure what that entailed. I was planning to run away but his threat never came to fruition.
What did happen, however, was much worse. I had collected letters over the years from my early childhood from friends that I had met at church camp. My mother made me burn them all. I can still see the box stuffed with precious memories of friends now lost in the many moves we had made. After that I had great difficulty writing anything down.
Interestingly enough, those same elders confronted my father a few months later and fired Dad for heresy. He was devastated and I remember that he went to stay with his sister, Martha for a while.
Some years later when I was 25 the elders did show up. I had just become a new believer. My sister and I were living together and every weekend we invited a different family from our church over for dinner. Our dinners were legendary. We were baking fresh bread in those days, making our own butter, etc. Heavenly feasts. As I recall, we were only invited back once. The pastors family did have us over but we didn't think that counted. When dinner was over, we were directed to clean up the kitchen, then he pushed back his chair and left the room.
We did not own a car in those days but we did have bicycles. We rode or walked everywhere in that small town in Montana. It was a time of watching the grass grow and in some ways of being a kid again. We used to walk downtown on weekends where there was usually a band playing in the local watering hole. Friends from a local church would often join us for beers and dancing. As I recall, one of those friends was a deacon. It was a time of innocent fun.
Some months later I learned that one of the women in our church, who worked in the local bank was watching the checks written to the local watering places. She had reported me to the pastor of the church and one day he showed up at my home... with the elders. I was lectured sternly as to the error of my ways and told that I needed to move back home with my parents until I learned to behave.
My Dad, who was also an elder in this church, was out of town at the time. When he returned, I told him what happened and offered to comply with the directive. He said that it was not necessary. The next Sunday Dad stood up in the service and gave a speech about how he needed to step down from his role as an elder to let a younger man take his place. We left the church after that and to my knowledge he never spoke to that pastor again. That pastor had been his best friend for many years.
I ran into that woman at a Bill Gothard seminar many years later. She apologized for her betrayal and I forgave her. So much damage; so much heartache. So unnecessary.
Many times over the years I have run smack into Christian disapproval and righteous indignation. Each time has been soul scarring to me. In 2005 when my story was published, waves of disapproval hit me, first from my family, then from Christians. By that time, I had begun to discover the covering of God's grace. I felt God's voice speaking to me, saying, "I approve, I approve".
Years ago I had occasion to apologize to one of my father's sisters for the many years of bad behavior. She must had been in her 80's at that time. She listened to what I had to say and then she asked me if I had learned anything from my mistakes. Just that simple question spoke volumes to me.
My mama's sister has taught me the most about grace and about loving someone into a better place by modeling that behavior for me. I remember once she gave me a piercing look and then smiled at me. "I love you", she said. And that was all it took. I am learning to do that with my loved ones.
When I watched the movie, "Passion of the Christ", the scene that stood out the most was when the woman was being stoned for adultery. Jesus came upon the scene and without saying a word, began writing in the dirt. One by one, stones were dropped and the crowd diminished until Jesus was left alone with the woman. This poor bleeding woman crawled forward until she was touching the feet of Jesus with her bloodied hand. In my mind those people with stones were the elders. Righteous in their indignation. Disapproving.
That is how I pray sometimes. On my face, bloodied, reaching out for the feet of Jesus, who continues to give me grace over and over again.
At any rate, I arrived home from school and was confronted by my parents. Dad threatened to take me before the elders in our church. I was horrified, even though I wasn't entirely sure what that entailed. I was planning to run away but his threat never came to fruition.
What did happen, however, was much worse. I had collected letters over the years from my early childhood from friends that I had met at church camp. My mother made me burn them all. I can still see the box stuffed with precious memories of friends now lost in the many moves we had made. After that I had great difficulty writing anything down.
Interestingly enough, those same elders confronted my father a few months later and fired Dad for heresy. He was devastated and I remember that he went to stay with his sister, Martha for a while.
Some years later when I was 25 the elders did show up. I had just become a new believer. My sister and I were living together and every weekend we invited a different family from our church over for dinner. Our dinners were legendary. We were baking fresh bread in those days, making our own butter, etc. Heavenly feasts. As I recall, we were only invited back once. The pastors family did have us over but we didn't think that counted. When dinner was over, we were directed to clean up the kitchen, then he pushed back his chair and left the room.
We did not own a car in those days but we did have bicycles. We rode or walked everywhere in that small town in Montana. It was a time of watching the grass grow and in some ways of being a kid again. We used to walk downtown on weekends where there was usually a band playing in the local watering hole. Friends from a local church would often join us for beers and dancing. As I recall, one of those friends was a deacon. It was a time of innocent fun.
Some months later I learned that one of the women in our church, who worked in the local bank was watching the checks written to the local watering places. She had reported me to the pastor of the church and one day he showed up at my home... with the elders. I was lectured sternly as to the error of my ways and told that I needed to move back home with my parents until I learned to behave.
My Dad, who was also an elder in this church, was out of town at the time. When he returned, I told him what happened and offered to comply with the directive. He said that it was not necessary. The next Sunday Dad stood up in the service and gave a speech about how he needed to step down from his role as an elder to let a younger man take his place. We left the church after that and to my knowledge he never spoke to that pastor again. That pastor had been his best friend for many years.
I ran into that woman at a Bill Gothard seminar many years later. She apologized for her betrayal and I forgave her. So much damage; so much heartache. So unnecessary.
Many times over the years I have run smack into Christian disapproval and righteous indignation. Each time has been soul scarring to me. In 2005 when my story was published, waves of disapproval hit me, first from my family, then from Christians. By that time, I had begun to discover the covering of God's grace. I felt God's voice speaking to me, saying, "I approve, I approve".
Years ago I had occasion to apologize to one of my father's sisters for the many years of bad behavior. She must had been in her 80's at that time. She listened to what I had to say and then she asked me if I had learned anything from my mistakes. Just that simple question spoke volumes to me.
My mama's sister has taught me the most about grace and about loving someone into a better place by modeling that behavior for me. I remember once she gave me a piercing look and then smiled at me. "I love you", she said. And that was all it took. I am learning to do that with my loved ones.
When I watched the movie, "Passion of the Christ", the scene that stood out the most was when the woman was being stoned for adultery. Jesus came upon the scene and without saying a word, began writing in the dirt. One by one, stones were dropped and the crowd diminished until Jesus was left alone with the woman. This poor bleeding woman crawled forward until she was touching the feet of Jesus with her bloodied hand. In my mind those people with stones were the elders. Righteous in their indignation. Disapproving.
That is how I pray sometimes. On my face, bloodied, reaching out for the feet of Jesus, who continues to give me grace over and over again.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Out of Coffee; Out of Jam
My habit each week is to puruse the cupboards and refrigerator for menu planning. This past week as I was reviewing what we had and what we needed, it became obvious that without some miracle, we would not make it until payday as there were no funds to replenish our supplies.
I have been pleading with my Heavenly Father for badly needed help for some time. I have been reminding God of His promises to supply all our needs. I have been claiming favor with my King of King and Lord of Lords. I have been speaking God's word over our lives. Still nothing. And so I prepared the last breakfast, packed the last lunch and planned a meal for dinner.
I have had this sense of expectancy for some time now. I eagerly check the mail and answer phone calls, always waiting for that miracle that I know will come as it has so many times before. This time seems different somehow. And so I continue to wait as nothing is in the mail once again.
And then yesterday afternoon when the water was turned off and the phone was down along with the internet due to work on our street, I just felt such freedom. Can't explain it but I was happy with how my day was going and decided to just rest and wait.
Just before I needed to prepare dinner, my son asked if he could go to the store for us. "Give me a list, Mama" he said. And so, once more we have what we need. The water came back on as did the phone and the internet. Dinner got made, lunches were planned and I know that my son was blessed for providing.
God is great and greatly to be praised. He is our provider and we can trust Him.
I have been pleading with my Heavenly Father for badly needed help for some time. I have been reminding God of His promises to supply all our needs. I have been claiming favor with my King of King and Lord of Lords. I have been speaking God's word over our lives. Still nothing. And so I prepared the last breakfast, packed the last lunch and planned a meal for dinner.
I have had this sense of expectancy for some time now. I eagerly check the mail and answer phone calls, always waiting for that miracle that I know will come as it has so many times before. This time seems different somehow. And so I continue to wait as nothing is in the mail once again.
And then yesterday afternoon when the water was turned off and the phone was down along with the internet due to work on our street, I just felt such freedom. Can't explain it but I was happy with how my day was going and decided to just rest and wait.
Just before I needed to prepare dinner, my son asked if he could go to the store for us. "Give me a list, Mama" he said. And so, once more we have what we need. The water came back on as did the phone and the internet. Dinner got made, lunches were planned and I know that my son was blessed for providing.
God is great and greatly to be praised. He is our provider and we can trust Him.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Pure Joy
My son has a dog named Roofis. Actually we all have the dog since JR lives with us for now. Jack and I always said that we would not get another pet. Does the term pooper scoop come to mind? Roofis sneaked into our lives and our hearts.
I often take Roofis for walks around the area in which we live. He never fails to remind me of joy. Pure unadulterated joy. He finds joy in sniffing out trash and bringing it to me. He finds joy in picking up tree branches (no kidding) and carrying them into the house to chew on. Joy in chasing the bunnies that lives under the hedges in our yard. He finds joy just in being outside.
As I watch him leaping and cavorting, it occurs to me that he is God's creature and that he finds joy just being what God created him to be. So simple. Joy in just being a dog.
God created us for joy also. We are created to find joy in the work that was given to us. To find joy in the beauty of this world that He created just for us. To find joy in relationship with Him. Most of us drag through the day, angry and defeated. Loaded down with the cares of this world. I wonder what would happen if we reconnected with that joy I see in Roofis. Joy in just breathing in the day and the promise that it holds for us as creations of the Most High God.
I often take Roofis for walks around the area in which we live. He never fails to remind me of joy. Pure unadulterated joy. He finds joy in sniffing out trash and bringing it to me. He finds joy in picking up tree branches (no kidding) and carrying them into the house to chew on. Joy in chasing the bunnies that lives under the hedges in our yard. He finds joy just in being outside.
As I watch him leaping and cavorting, it occurs to me that he is God's creature and that he finds joy just being what God created him to be. So simple. Joy in just being a dog.
God created us for joy also. We are created to find joy in the work that was given to us. To find joy in the beauty of this world that He created just for us. To find joy in relationship with Him. Most of us drag through the day, angry and defeated. Loaded down with the cares of this world. I wonder what would happen if we reconnected with that joy I see in Roofis. Joy in just breathing in the day and the promise that it holds for us as creations of the Most High God.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
A Calling Out
Yesterday morning I read an article about the coming days here on earth and the spiritual battle taking place that rocked me to the core. The article spoke of the days of Noah recorded in Genesis 6 throught the account in Matthew 24:37-39 as follows. "For the coming of the Son of Man will be just like the days of Noah. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and they did not understand until the flood came and took them all away; so will the coming of the Son of Man be."
As I read on I saw these words, "Some form of restraining force has been removed from our country (America) that has sheltered us from this realm and dimension of spiritual darkness on a broad basis. It has been seen in isolated areas and circumstance but not as widespread as we are about to witness. We must prepare now to meet this incredible challenge. This level of hostile opposition will require the Lord's Bride to enter a level of maturity belonging to "the fullness of Christ" and absolute demonstration of the Lord's victory over death, hell and the grave."
For some time now I have sensed a "calling out" of believers, who are being awakened to a life set apart from the daily life in the natural. Believers who sense something more is taking place in the spiritual realm than what is taking place here on earth. Believers comitted to stepping out in faith to follow Christ. Believers called to intercessory prayer.
A new determination welled up in me and I fell to my face in prayer. I want that fullness of Christ, that maturity in Him. I do not want Christ's return to catch me in my comfortable chair. I want to be fully clad in armor; fully engaged in battle. Lord, may it be so today and all my days.
As I read on I saw these words, "Some form of restraining force has been removed from our country (America) that has sheltered us from this realm and dimension of spiritual darkness on a broad basis. It has been seen in isolated areas and circumstance but not as widespread as we are about to witness. We must prepare now to meet this incredible challenge. This level of hostile opposition will require the Lord's Bride to enter a level of maturity belonging to "the fullness of Christ" and absolute demonstration of the Lord's victory over death, hell and the grave."
For some time now I have sensed a "calling out" of believers, who are being awakened to a life set apart from the daily life in the natural. Believers who sense something more is taking place in the spiritual realm than what is taking place here on earth. Believers comitted to stepping out in faith to follow Christ. Believers called to intercessory prayer.
A new determination welled up in me and I fell to my face in prayer. I want that fullness of Christ, that maturity in Him. I do not want Christ's return to catch me in my comfortable chair. I want to be fully clad in armor; fully engaged in battle. Lord, may it be so today and all my days.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
40th High School Reunion
Yesterday I received in the mail two CDs containing pictures taken at my high school reunion. We celebrated 40 years last summer and I had not been back since our 10 year reunion. I was blessed to be able to go with my best friend, Sherry. She and I had not seen each other or communicated in over 30 years so it was doubly sweet.
As I looked through the pictures a flood of memories returned. I thought about what things were like back in 1968. How I did not fit into any one group but had friends throughout all the cliques. I thought about how angry, rebellious and sarcastic I was then. I never did try to develop relationships other than my friend, Sherry. No boys ever asked me out. I saw myself on the fringe always.
Than I thought about our 10 year reunion. I went with a huge chip on my shoulder. My sole motivation in going was to show them what they missed. I rejoiced at how the "popular kids" had let themselves go and how the nerds and the outcasts had come into their own. I behaved badly and did not care.
Yesterday as I looked at over 400 pictures from the reunion, I realized that age is a great equalizer. Every one of us had changed dramatically over 40 years. We all have drooping skin, yellowing teeth and graying hair. I looked at the lined faces and saw the pain that comes from living life badly. I also saw the joy and grace in life lived well. No longer can I discern the "popular kids" from the rest of us. I see the result of choice in those pictures. I wonder how differently might things have been had I opened my heart to them. No longer do I live with regrets but I do love how I choose to be in relationships now. As I put away the pictures I quietly prayed that they may come to know peace in this season of their lives.
As I looked through the pictures a flood of memories returned. I thought about what things were like back in 1968. How I did not fit into any one group but had friends throughout all the cliques. I thought about how angry, rebellious and sarcastic I was then. I never did try to develop relationships other than my friend, Sherry. No boys ever asked me out. I saw myself on the fringe always.
Than I thought about our 10 year reunion. I went with a huge chip on my shoulder. My sole motivation in going was to show them what they missed. I rejoiced at how the "popular kids" had let themselves go and how the nerds and the outcasts had come into their own. I behaved badly and did not care.
Yesterday as I looked at over 400 pictures from the reunion, I realized that age is a great equalizer. Every one of us had changed dramatically over 40 years. We all have drooping skin, yellowing teeth and graying hair. I looked at the lined faces and saw the pain that comes from living life badly. I also saw the joy and grace in life lived well. No longer can I discern the "popular kids" from the rest of us. I see the result of choice in those pictures. I wonder how differently might things have been had I opened my heart to them. No longer do I live with regrets but I do love how I choose to be in relationships now. As I put away the pictures I quietly prayed that they may come to know peace in this season of their lives.
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